I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
