they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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