Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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