When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
