He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
time to smoke my breakfast
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We're too hungover to prance.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
