I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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