Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
