I wish I could teleport
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
