i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
