i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
