Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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