y did u give ur computer a hand job?
from now on my penis is your penis
kristin has been a bad kristin
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
