...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
