OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
a search helicopter?!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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