I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
