I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
