I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
