You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
