I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
