How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
