we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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