My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
