I want to stick my p in your. b.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
