I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
