woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize