Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
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Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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