**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
