We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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