Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
