The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
ttyl tear gas
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
