just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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