hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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