is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
