If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
