Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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