I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
