dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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