I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
