I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
