Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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