no, he came in my armpit
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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