he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
