Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
this boner is exhausting
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
