Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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