he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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