he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
