at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
