that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
