i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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