Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...