he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!