Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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