Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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