Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
