It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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