I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
People in love make me want to vomit
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
