There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
