I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
