I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
