How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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