When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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