New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Drake has all the answers
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
