I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
