my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
