White coat. Heels.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
