oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
