I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
