How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
