im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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