so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
