I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
