There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
