everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
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We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
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i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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