Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
