people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
