dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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