Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
