We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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