dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Everclear isn't food dammit
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
