the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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