he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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