I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
