i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That accounts for only three of the penises
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
